Not Sure What to Believe

"I love you, Babyz"...."Do you love me?"...."Very much"....

And so begins some confusion on my part. I'm not sure if I believe it. I do not doubt that he meant it at the minute he said it. I know better than to push the issue, so I let it go for the weekend.

Sometimes I worry that he says things based in what I want to hear and what will keep me close rather than what he actually feels. Like in December it was that I wanted to have some sort of commitment so he asked me to be his girlfriend. A month later it was over when he wanted something different for a few days. Now he KNOWS that the only way to keep me is to say he loves me. I wonder how long that will last.

Please don't misunderstand me...I trust this man implicitly as my friend. He would most likely do anything in the world for me, for real. He is like my family. Why don't I trust him the same way with my heart?

The way he broke up with me hurt me so badly. I felt like I had never really mattered to him at all past some action. I realize my own fault in that whole issue, but he could have taken it a little easier on me or at least called me rather than text message me? I was really really in love with the man. How could he just turn that down?

This new development is bringing up a lot of conflicting feelings for me. I don't know whether to trust what he says or continue to doubt him. I want so very badly to be precious to him. I truly want to be the one that he picks for his own. No, this does NOT make me needy or smothering or any of those things.

So there it is. I don't feel I can trust what he says a lot of the time. I feel like he WANTS it to be true. He is a good guy and a great friend to me. How can I learn to trust what he says to me? I did once upon a time. I'm not sure if I can right now.