An Open Letter to Son

My Boy-

I am about 90% certain that I know why you are so very angry with me right now. I want you to know that I appreciate your concern and caring for me. It means a lot to me that you feel as you do.

Let me start by saying: I am not with Fuzzy Face. It was dinner and drinks and hanging out. (And I probably wouldn't have told BMD if I knew she was going to take the information back to you) He and I are still friends and care for each other very much. We want different things from life and a relationship right now.

With that being said, I am going to make mistakes in my personal life just like anyone else. It is not your job to protect me from them. If there is a time in the future that Fuzzy and I are in a place to get back together and we are both agreeable it may happen. Who knows?

I am not out hoin' it up. There is a lot in my past that prevents that from happening. I do want to find someone. I'm not going to lie. I spent many of the years I was with your father very lonely and feeling very unwanted. It was hard for me to handle. That is not to say The Right Wing King is a bad person, he just didn't know how to be the husband I needed.

Maybe you feel as if I am abandoning you by moving into an apartment. It's not like I expect that you will handle everything that comes up there. The Tiger doesn't really want me to be there, you and I argue constantly, and I miss having privacy. I am a phone call and a very short distance away. I have told you before that you shouldn't have to be solely responsible for The Tiger, but both you and he want you to be the man. As the situation changes, so will the living arrangements as needed.

You have said in the past that I was to blame for most of the problems in my marriage. Maybe you're right. Maybe I do not deserve what I want in this life. But that will not prevent me from continuously trying to get there. I have in the past set you saying that aside as you being an angry young man. Now I'm not so sure. You might actually believe that.

My hope is that we can resolve whatever is going on between us. There was a time when we hung out all the time. I don't expect that anymore, but I would like to be able to sit in the same room with you for more than 5 minutes without you getting snakey. I have not been the perfect parent. I know this and own it. I have screwed up in big ways and small ways. Sometimes even parents are human.

I love you. But it's more than that. I am incredibly proud of you. I respect your ideas and opinions. You are a genuinely good person and you have never lost your moral compass. You amaze me somedays.

Here's to hoping we can solve whatever problem we are having.

Love Always-
Momma