I am at work tonight and you are on my mind hardcore. It's been this way for a couple of nights now. I feel like a junkie going through some kind of withdrawal. Trying to come up with a way to make it possible to be next to you for even an hour. Every damn song, joke, inferrence makes me think of you. The feeling is a sharp pain of loneliness and the dull ache of longing.
Now I have to sit with this feeling, which isn't awesome. It's not anyone's fault that I can't run to you and throw myself into your arms. It's just circumstances really. Knowing that doesn't soothe my mind much. It doesn't satisfy the physical hunger of need that goes all the way through me. It's not much of a comfort to see your name written somewhere and know that things can always change.
I haven't decided which is scarier to me: Not having you be able to commit to forever or never having you at all. Honestly right now I would trade my eye teeth-or at least one of them- to be cuddled up next to you. Okay, fine, truth be told, I want a little more than cuddling. We both know how I operate. I sometimes wish that lovin' was ALL I wanted from you. That may simplify everything.
I hate myself for feeling like I not only want someone but I need them. And not to fill some sort of cosmic space that is empty. Not to make up for my missing pieces. It makes me feel like a mess.
So, for now this is where I will lay these feelings down. I ache for you, your touch, your smell, your voice. As long as you know that it may be enough.
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