At this minute I am snuggled down next to the man that may be the next big thing. It scares me because I feel like he is a great big deal already. The night I met him he was wearing my favorite color, made me laugh like an idiot, and kissed me in a way that 2 months later still takes my breath away. This man makes me feel happy and safe and calm. That is no small feat.
I have freaked out and played the crazy girl card more than once already. He held my hand and talked me through the panic attack caused by the mere thought of having to deal with getting my last few momentos from my former spouse. He holds me and rocks me when he knows that I need it. Softly he whispers, "I've got you baby" in my ear when I am lost in my own head. This guy asks the difficult questions, doesn't let me avoid answering, and handles my truthful responses like a champ.
I know what you're thinking...."How could this possibly be scary?" Let me tell you. I keep waiting for him to wake up and realize that I am SO not worth the work. Or that I am not pretty enough. Or that my sarcasm and dry wit isn't really that much fun. Or that I am too serious. Who knows??
I look at him here next to me and feel so lucky to be here. He is beautiful. Man beautiful not like a pretty boy. Even in his sleep an arm is slung over my lap protectively. I don't know where all this is going to go. And really, does it matter? I am here now. In the bed of a man that makes me feel special. Great joy comes with great risk and I am willing to take the risk for this one.
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