"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together again."
I have been told that there is nothing broken that can't be fixed. I am not sold on that idea just yet. My mind feels like a broken egg so much of the time that I am not sure if I will ever feel whole and real again instead of like its oozing all over with sharp shards hiding in it.
Why does the sound of a slamming door scare the crap outta me? What makes me feel like there are very few places to turn? Why is nothing and no one in this world safe? Inadequate, unloved, unlovable, stupid, crazy, wrong, ridiculous, dramatic, disappointment...these words pierce my brain like arrows and lodge there. Toxic tips wearing down my sanity one millimeter at a time.
Do you know how hard it is to get poison arrows out of your brain? It takes a team of highly skilled professionals and a vat of medication. And what feels like entirely too much scary, dangerous, hurtful work. It is overwhelming feeling things that have been lodged in there for 25 years. Unfortunately for me, all of my normal coping mechanisms aren't working anymore. And short of becoming a drug addict I am out of options for dealing with my garbage.
So, I may be unable to make my egg of a brain whole again. Or at least back to its original form. I guess I will just run it through a strainer to get all the crap out and make myself an omelet. No one really likes raw eggs anyway. Except maybe Rocky Balboa.
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