A Post for Chronic Pain Partners

Tonight's post is on behalf of my chronic pain friends...we all have partners or supporters and we know it can be confusing or difficult to know exactly what to say or how to say it; when to act or not act. So my hope is to break it down for those that love us, look after us, take care of us, and sometimes get really sick of us (admit it, you know its true).

Alright, here's my first little insight: Please don't ask if we are in pain. There is always pain. Its all about the degrees. Really. It waxes and wanes, comes and goes, basically does what it wants, and we are along for the ride.

I have been trying to come up with a good way to illustrate this. Its sort of like having what the dealership would call "an intermittent problem" with your new car. You KNOW your car acts up almost every single morning when you pull it out of the garage, but sure shootin' when you pull it into your friendly Ford (or whatever!) dealership the damn POS just won't do it! Our pain is like that. It happens at its own time, at its own pace, on its own schedule and never the same way twice.

Next, and this is a true true promise, we only complain when the pain is so bad we cannot handle it one second longer without saying something. My cousin said to me last week that "I don't say anything most of the time because I know that I have to live with this for the rest of my life." When something IS said, please please PLEASE do NOT roll your eyes. It is important to listen closely to what is said (no, this is not touchy feely garbage, I swear), if you get good at this part you will be able to reduce our pain significantly by figuring out what our triggers are. There is a small anxiety component to pain and if left unattended its like metal shavings in your motor oil. You partners know us well, you know when you're going to get screamed at for something dumb, or when we are serious. Learn our pain signals to you the same way.

Finally, be paiient. I know it sounds like BS but its like learning something new. You learned how to change motor oil, change a tire, diaper babies, make spaghetti, and wash bras. Many of you know a great deal more than that. Trust me, you can handle this. Just learn what works. Is it a bath and candles? Do we need to go into the backyard and dig in the garden? Do we need to lock ourselves in the bedroom for a good cry? Who knows? We are all different.

Be part of the solution. Help us in any tiny way you can figure out. Its not about us getting roses or candy or just complaining to get some attention. Google chronic pain. Its not that scary. If we can handle it, so can you!