I REALLY hate this picture of me. Like A LOT. It was taken on the day Son turned 18. What makes me even more mad is that I gained about 15 more pounds after that. I didn't even care. I was in survival mode the only way I knew how.
First, you must understand that drugs scare the ever lovin' crap outta me. I have never so much as tried a cigarette. So doing drugs to escape my feelings was out of the question. At some point during nursing school I discovered the food coma. Oh, it was fan-freaking-tastic.
I loved the planning out what I was going to prepare for myself or what I was going to go out and order. I would eat and eat and eat until I was almost sick. Then I would take a nice hot bath and pass out for hours with the TV tuned to some wedding show. The escape was so sweet. I loved to just sleep and dream. I would try to sleep until I absolutely HAD to do something. I was resentful of anything extra that I had to do. And how the pounds piled on!
My marriage, financial picture, child's life, professional life, and personal feelings were burning down around me. It didn't bother me. My food was keeping me as well as all of my fear and anxiety completely numb. Its hard to express your thoughts when you have a giant spoonful of Ben & Jerry's in your mouth.
Last September I had finally had enough of not taking care of me. It has been a slow prossess but I am working so hard at it. I'm going to continue to write about what I'm doing and how I am doing it. I can't promise you that what I talk about will be motivational or inspiring, but I promise that I will always be honest.
For the record: My name is The Fat Girl and I am a compulsive over eater.
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