The Difference

Today's musing are in response to something the Bulldogge asks all the time.  He really does. (For you pelicans who think you know everything about the Bulldogge, you don't live with him.  What you see isn't always what you get)

Bulldogge is constantly bugging me about why my feelings are different for him than they are for Fuzzy Face.  I think that Bulldogge has this notion that my feelings for him are somehow inferior to those that I have for Fuzzy.  So my hope is to clear this up for him.

My sweet Bulldogge, you are strong and single minded.  Being with you is sometimes a challenge for me since I feel like you have this notion of love and romance that is not me at all.  And yes, you have to work hard at the fun stuff. I am sometimes scared of talking to you about things because I know that you won't give your opinion.  If I ask you, I WANT to know what you think.  Its important to me.  "Whatever you want is fine." is like your classic line.  That puts too much pressure on me.  What if I choose wrong?  It makes me feel like you are uninvolved in the relationship.  It scares me and makes me feel alone.

However, your strength means safety.  No one will ever get to hurt me again.  And you make me laugh all the time. And you are man beautiful.  And anything worth having is worth working for.  Even if I have to learn a whole new language to do it!  Oh, and even though it scares me to death, I love you.

On the flip side, we have Fuzzy Face.  He is all about a good time.  I can tell him anything at anytime.  I miss being lead into a room like a prize.  I miss banter and flirting and harassing each other all the time.  I miss reading the newspaper at a cafe in the morning.  I miss snuggling with him and the girls.  I sometimes miss that feeling of BELONGING with someone else.  I miss the giant sigh of relief as I walk through the doorway to his house that whatever is bothering me can be forgotten.

Fuzzy Face likes women too much though.  He's like a kid at Christmas with a giant box of chocolates that just wants to find out what flavor each one is.  He'll crack its shell, or take a nibble of this one, or a lick of that one.  Which many women can understand and handle.  But I just can't.  I want it ALL.  The love, the passion, the friendship, the family, and to be enough for my man.  I don't think that I alone can or will ever meet all his needs.  I wish him luck in his search.

So there you have it.  While Fuzzy Face is a ton of fun, being with him will never give me what I want in the long run.  Yes, I love and have loved him.  However, Bulldogge is the right man in the right place at the right time.  Our goals are the same and while he frustrates me, I can see myself as a little old lady drinking cocktails and rocking on a porch with him someplace sunny.  When I touch the Bulldogge's cheek I feel genuine love there.  The man waited a long time for me.

And NO, I am not settling.  I have always had a choice.  I think I am making the right one.

Oh, and I got involved with the Bulldogge, so it is partly my fault that I am not enough for Fuzzy.  I have not been fully available.  Even so, I doubt that in the end Fuzzy would ever choose me.