Mythical UB

Here is something I have never written about: my brother Bob.  He will be lovingly referred to from here on out as UB.  Does anyone else remember the movie "Uncle Buck"?  That's pretty much my brother.  Well, minus the car.  And front teeth.  But the lovable, irresponsible dude with a big heart?  That's him.

I have yet to figure out what it is about him that children and animals find irresistible.  He smells bad.  And he's not like a Wall Street banker or a superhero or something.  He's just a dude.  A stinky, funny, clothes-too-big, pants-up-shirt-down guy who hides his dirty dishes. 

I wanted SO badly to write this lighthearted, "my brother boarders on retarded" article about him.  Now that I am here, however, it most likely won't work out that way.

Recently I asked UB to live with the Bulldogge and me.  I have always said that there was no way on God's green earth that I would let him live with me.  I do not trust him as a rule.  I mean, we have an extensive unhealthy history together.  Our lives have been enmeshed from the minute we met. 

Now though I want to help him get healthy.  I have always lead the way, or was supposed to.  I want him here to see me becoming happy and put together so I can show him how he can do that too.  I want him to find for himself just a shred of peace and hope.

I cannot decide if I am being unrealistic or not.  I don't even know if he wants more out of his life.  Maybe he's happy.  But that is not what I see.  I see the weight of his regret bringing him down.  I can feel his unspoken pain, rage, and unhappiness.  For heaven's sake, we are practically twins.  How does the man think he can hide anything from me?

UB is my closest friend.  He witnessed the trauma I keep hidden even from myself.  I understand what has made him the lost soul he is today.  I will catch him every time he falls.  Every.  Single.  Time.  I do not stand in judgement of UB, I know he is navigating the world without even the stars to guide him.  It might be up to me to show him the way out.

Now, don't get me wrong.  I will always think he's a disgusting, piggy, loudmouth, lush that smells like ass crack.  But he is also the only person who knows why "PeeWee's Big Adventure" is my favorite movie.